Nostalgia
by twilightened
Summary: Takes place after Eclipse. Bella and Edward are back in Forks after 40 years. See what's become of them, Charlie, Renee, and Jacob. Includes info the Wedding, Change, Bella's talents, the Volturi, and more. First Fanfic. Reviews are most welcome.
1. Chapter 1 Charlie

This is my first Fanfic every. In fact, it's my first effort at any kind of writing, so reviews are most welcome.

Disclaimer: The wonderful characters in this story aren't mine. The are the product of Stephenie Meyer's wonderful creativity and are strictly her property.

**Nostalgia **

by: Twilightened

**Chapter 1: Charlie**

It felt good to be back in this cool damp forest again, so teaming with familiar sounds and dripping with green. Though much time has passed, it still felt so familiar, so ...home. Time. That's an interesting concept. I can still remember feeling panic well up in my throat - no, anger exploding in my head, as I tried to grapple with the fleeting expense of human time. That was a time, long ago. A human memory of a time, when contemplating my own aging was something excruciating. Time seemed such a trivial consideration now, more a meaningful deepening of understanding rather than the measure of passing.

I slowed my pace and began to simply walk through the forest. How I love the smell of the cool moisture, the sweet decay of fallen wood, and the sounds of the forest. I pick my way through the tumbled undergrowth and waist-high ferns, making a concerted effort to move slowly - humanly, encouraging the flood of nostalgia washing over me. How long had it been since I'd walked through these rainy woods?

It had been 36 years since we had been in Forks, but even then, I don't remember walking in the forest. There were things to settle - funeral arrangements, packing up Charlie's house, and carefully trying to avoid the scrutinizing glances of those wondering how Edward and I had changed so little in the seven years since we had married and left Forks without a backward glance. Throughout that short week we spent here, we were so careful to walk more maturely, speak more worldly, dress appropriately. I concentrated on trying to look as plain and unremarkable as possible, like my human self had been, though I'm not sure how necessary our efforts really were. Charlie's death had been such a shock to the entire community, and that kind of shock really does overshadow things.

Charlie had gone fishing. Nothing unexpected there. Charlie spent most of his time either fishing or watching sports with his close friends, most of which lived in LaPush. The night Charlie had disappeared, Billy had invited him to come over to watch a Basketball game. Things had been a little strained between Charlie and Billy since I married Edward, and Jacob had, ...well, gone off the grid. But, like all good friends, they managed to find some common ground and learned to avoid the touchier subjects.

It was one of Charlie's deputies who told me how Charlie had been found. When Charlie had not shown up for game time, Billy called the station to see if Charlie had been called in. No one had seen Charlie. The next morning, Mrs. Edna Bush, said she heard wolves howling in the woods along the shore. The eerie mournful echos piqued her curiosity and she wandered out to investigate. The mournful howls led her to a small break in the trees through which the chilly but beautiful coast stretched out before her, the glassy calm surface a beautiful contrast to the chilly unexpected squall from the night before. There about a quarter mile offshore, she spotted what looked like an overturned skiff. She called the station to report it.

Charlie had apparently decided to spend a couple hours fishing offshore before the game. His little boat had somehow been overturned in the windblown waters. Charlie was found with a life jacket on, tethered to his overturned little boat. He had died of hypothermia. The deputy's theory was that although Charlie was an experienced boater, when his little boat had somehow overturned a few miles offshore Charlie couldn't right it by himself. In the storm that had unexpectedly blown in, he probably couldn't tell which direction shore was, so he put on a life jacket, and tethered himself to the boat, and waited for help, which would never come. I was sure that Billy had done all in his power to try to find Charlie, and I understood that it was the pack that finally discovered him.

The Forks community had truly mourned. Charlie was one of their own, and throughout the week of his funeral, Edward and I overheard story after story from people who chuckled mournfully as they remembered Charlie and his love of all things sports, fishing, Forks, . . . and me. It was difficult for me to be so changed on the inside, yet have to appear so much the same as my formerly human self on the outside. Such Irony: the need to appear older, when physically Edward and I were so unchanged, yet having to appear so _internally_ unchanged, when my perspective had become so immortal...so eternal. Yet none of that was as difficult as it was to look into the eyes of Charlie's friends and see the unintentional accusation that said to my heart: 'you should have been here more often'.

The funeral was as small and private as I could manage. We held a small service where Charlie had worshiped, a small piece of green overlooking the Quileute River. Edward held me close as I struggled to reconcile the fact that I couldn't produce a single tear, though my heart ached. At the cemetery, Edward's family came to stand with me to say my final goodbyes. Due to the typical Washington drizzle, Edward's family stood inconspicuously under the cover of umbrellas, helping to hide their ageless and perfect appearance. Renee, vacationing in the Bahamas with her husband couldn't be reached, and so it was Edward and his family alone that I leaned on for comfort. Off, some distance away, under the trees - behind the few dozen other friends of Charlie's, more than a dozen tall black-haired Quileute friends stood somberly paying their last respects. I understood their reluctance to come closer, and to some degree was grateful for it. However, a part of me longed to reach out and renew old ties and thank them for their condolences, and offer mine. After all, Charlie had been a part of their world, much more than he had been part of mine for the last seven years. I scanned their faces. Billy was there, Sam, Emily and their kids, Quil, Leah and Seth, and others. Billy discretely nodded, his eyes hard to read, Edward and I nodded in return, acknowledging a complicated history, with a guarded mutual regard and respect. I looked for Jacob in the crowd, but was sure that even if he were here, he wouldn't let me see him. A twinge of pain and regret shot briefly through me. Edward pulled me closer, understanding my flinch and offering comfort.


	2. Chapter 2 Ghosts

Chapter 2: Ghosts

But that was years ago, and so much had changed since then. The terrain began steepening as I continued my aimless wandering. I looked up and discovered that I had stumbled upon a small group of deer grazing in the shadows of the huge green-covered forest. They hadn't heard my approach, but my movement caught their eye, and they bolted instinctually. I felt my muscles tense and my senses heightened as their flight response triggered my predatory reflex to chase. I recovered myself and resisted. Edward and I had plans to hunt this evening, after he finished helping Emmet ready the house for the family's return. I loved running through the trees with Edward, feeling the speed and laughter as we raced to out run each other.

I broke through the trees into a small clearing at the base of a rocky outcrop. I looked around to see if I could figure out where I was. Walking through a forest was a little more disorienting than running through it. Suddenly, I realized where I was. I had stumbled across a place which resurrected many ghosts for me. I recognized the rock face that had once sheltered a little tent from the full furry of a very bitter and unexpectedly freakish June snow storm. This was the place where Edward, Jacob and I had spent a tense night as we waited for a war. A war, in which I was the intended target.

This was the place that I had discovered another love. It was usually harder for me to remember my human past, but standing here in this place, I felt the full impact of this memory which would always exist somewhere protected and safe in my heart.

Human memories were tricky. They did begin to fade after a while, becoming gossamer and wispy. However, Edward, made a conscious decision long ago, not to let those human experiences of mine fade into oblivion. He told me that it was my human experiences that had made me who he loved more than life, and that he wanted those memories preserved. Our few short years in Forks, while I was still human, were already beginning to seem distant and shimmery to me, but Edward often spoke of the people we knew here, or recalled memories of our time here, so that they would stay clear in my memory. It was a real testament to his love for me, and I knew it. Many of those memories would hold real pain for him. Since he was already immortal, he remembered those times with absolute clarity, being able to recall even those feelings of pain, indecision, insecurity, jealousy, and his overwhelming conviction to protect me. Though our destiny together was inevitable, it was also hard fought, with many victims along the way. The strongest pain either of us ever experienced was at each other's hand - ironic, considering that the strongest happiness either of us ever felt was when we were together. I unconsciously played with the bracelet at my wrist, which still held only a very large heart-shaped diamond, and a very worn, slightly chipped hand-carved wolf. Another memento from a time long gone that Edward insisted remain mine.

As I climbed up to the rock face and looked back, I saw flashes of memories. I saw a large young wolf, darting and attacking a newborn vampire to protect me. Edward crouched defensively as he kept himself between me and Victoria. I remembered seeing her disembodied head fly - her wild flame-red hair tangled as it flew through the air. Then strong overwhelming relief as I realized that my Edward was unhurt. I could remember the thick pungent purplish smoke, and a moment of celebratory camaraderie between Edward and Seth. I smiled as I relived this brief moment of friendship that passed between these mortal enemies.

But there were other memories here as well. There was a cold night spent shivering. I couldn't quite recall the shivering, a mortal experience that I had now been too long without. I remembered my 'dream' - hearing Jacob and Edward talk about me and about their own feelings - cautiously allowing their own fears to be said and heard. Again, enemies, yet united in brotherhood as those who shed blood on common ground or with common purpose. Long ago, I came to the realization that the conversation between them had not been a dream, and more important, that_ I_ was the common battle ground on which they had both been broken. I flinched in remorse over the pain I had caused them.

I remembered the kiss. The only kiss I had ever experienced with anyone other than my husband, and I felt an involuntary shiver course through by body. Even after 40 years, the memory of that kiss still caused my heart to throb with dull pain. Pain that I caused. I closed my eyes, giving myself over to my memory and felt Jacob Black's warm hands on my face. I smelled his breath on my face, my neck, and smelled his earthy aroma. I wondered how he would smell to me now. I felt his hands roughly pull me against him, and his heart race. I remembered the butterflies in my stomach as I felt his lips brush against my ear and I felt the moment when my reluctance dissolved with his unbridled excitement and how my heart had raced as I fully kissed him back. I remembered the visions I saw in my mind of an alternate future for myself, and the guilt I felt as I thought of Edward and how this was such a betrayal to the destiny I knew was ours. I felt my breathing slow, as I opened my eyes, half expecting to see the sunny glow of Jacob Black's beautiful face before me. I was still alone, as I knew I would be. Fresh guilt washed over me as I wondered where Jacob was, and if he even still existed in this world. So many of those that I had known and loved were now gone.

I resumed my exploration through the woods, this time running. I told myself that I was running to avoid further disorientation, but deep down I knew I was running to escape the ghosts that lingered in that small clearing under that exposed rock face. I ran and ran.


	3. Chapter 3 Wedding, Honeymoon, Change

Chapter 3: Wedding, Honeymoon, Change

Eventually, my pace slowed and I again made a concerted effort to walk at human pace. The waves of nostalgia had not been entirely unpleasant. Sometimes the clearest celebration of 'now', is through a detailed study of 'then'. The sun was higher in the sky, but the forest was still gloomy. It was freeing, in the sense that I knew I didn't have to worry about being too visible. Who would find me out here, and even if they did, the secure shelter of the forest canopy would keep me from sparkling. My thoughts ran to the last week of my human life, my last week in Forks.

Edward still often teases me about my reluctance to become his wife. Was I truly so reluctant? I could only barely remember _some_ trepidation - but to say that it was true dread, surely he must be exaggerating? Edward does love to tease me.

Our wedding was beautiful, that I do remember. It was here in Edward's family's home. I remember the beautiful flowers, and the beautiful music, all of which Edward composed. I remember the faces of friends, whose names I have long forgotten, and Charlie and Renee. Renee's husband Phil was away at some summer training camp. I remember Alice dancing with such light in her eyes in anticipation of this beautiful event that she planned for Edward and me. My strongest memory of my wedding day was standing facing my Edward, looking deep into his beautiful butterscotch eyes, inhaling his fragrance, and wondering how I would ever in my life be worth such beautiful providence. Truly, I was so blessed. I was pronounced his, and far in the distance I thought I heard the very distant mournful cry of a wolf. My eyes met Edwards, and I saw the cringe of pain touch his eyes in the same instant that I felt a tightening in my chest. His pain, of course was different from mine, dear Edward, always so much more decent than anyone I had ever known. He understood that mournful cry, since he had also felt the strong loss of love in his life when he thought I was dead. He knew what Jacob felt. I knew in that instant, that my Jacob was now beyond my means to comfort. I sealed up that portion of my heart, and gave all that I had, the larger portion of my heart, unconditionally heart and soul, to my perfect marble soul mate. My heart was in my throat as he came toward me to kiss me, my knees buckled and my vision blurred, as he caught me in his arms and kissed me gently before righting me and setting me back on my quivering legs. He whispered softly in my ear, "Breathe, Bella," as he softly ran his cool hand along my face.

After the wedding I said my good byes to our friends and my family. We told our friends we were leaving for college in Alaska within a few days. No one was terribly surprised considering how much Edward loved the outdoors. I then kissed my Mom and Dad goodbye, it would be the last physical contact I would have with Charlie, and I wouldn't talk to Renee again in person for another 15 years.

I insisted on helping set the house back in order after the wedding, but the Cullen family beat me to it. As I kissed my parents goodbye and walked them to their cars, the Cullen family used their superhuman speed to put the house right. As I returned to the house, I found my new husband waiting for me inside the door with his crooked grin. The rest of the family stood nearby obviously ready to leave. The family bid us goodbye and left for a few days on a hunting trip. Esme kissed me before she left and told me how much she loved me. Rosalie awkwardly hugged me and welcomed me to the family. Alice danced to me, kissed my cheek, winked and told me to be gentle! How I love Alice. The boys each kissed me, gave Edward a Go-for-it kind of pat on the back and ran out the door, with Emmett laughing over his shoulder, "don't do anything too funny, Bella." I felt my heart race as a blush crept across my face, and I heard Emmett's deep laugh echo from somewhere outside. Carlisle kept his comments for last. He hugged me and kissed me and thanked me for bringing love into Edward's life, then he told Edward how proud he was of his adopted son, then closed the door behind him.

We were alone. Edward and I had other unfinished business to attend to - the matter of a promise to be kept. A promise to_ try_. To try to fulfill one last human wish. He crossed the room and took me in his arms and carried me up the stairs. I could feel his cool lips on mine as he slowly carried me up the stairs, down the long hall, and into our room. Our room. How differently that felt. He gently allowed my feet to touch down as his hands gently went to the back of my gown. I felt the buttons being undone, and my hands moved to the same task along the front of his shirt. His lips came away from mine as the final button came undone, he looked deeply into my eyes. I finished his shirt, his tie, and pushed his coat, and shirt back off his shoulders and heard them softly hit the ground. I blushed as I took in his perfect chest and flat stomach. He smiled, unable to hide the same gratification I felt in knowing I would soon be completely his, and he mine. I lowered my shoulders and felt my gown slide to the ground. I felt his eyes run over my form, liquid and loving and my heart began to race. Warmth spread throughout my core, and in one motion, Edward lifted me free of my dress, up into his arms and his lips met the base of my neck, eagerly seeking to test the limits of his restraint as he again, appreciated the bouquet. A small gasp involuntarily escaped my mouth as Edward carried me toward our big golden bed. I quivered with anticipation, Edward chuckled, but as I caught his eye, I saw the same vulnerability there that I felt. Both of us, eager to please, but straining with caution. We would have to go very slow.

Our wedding night was still so clear in my mind. My one human demand gently and perfectly fulfilled. It wasn't easy for Edward, so hard to give in to his desire while having to hold on to some degree of controlled gentleness, but he excelled in this, too. The experience surpassed all of our hopes and I felt a new contentment as we gently fulfilled the last of my human dreams. Over the next few days we never left each other's sight. We explored every inch of each other, both physically and emotionally, always slow and controlled, but with passion previously unknown or imagined by either of us. I swallowed hard, trying to suppress the butterflies now straining in my throat, as I remembered. Our lovemaking changed dramatically within the first few months, after my change, as Edward grew more and convinced that I was truly unbreakable. His restraint grew less and less, as our passion grew deeper and more mature, and more playful. But these memories of our gentle beginnings stirred a renewed love for my Edward, my perfect soul-mate, who despite the many challenges it held for him, chose me to spend his life with. I continued to walk, consumed with thoughts of our early past, and turned in the direction of our home and Edward.

Edward had kept his promise, as I knew he would, and now I would find the strength to become immortal so that I could bind myself to him and bring him the same happiness he had given me. Three days later, my new family returned. I hadn't wanted a honeymoon, just a few days with Edward, alone in his room with the beautiful bed that he bought me a few months before, then I wanted to make the change there with my new family in their (our?) familiar home in Forks. Those next few days are truly a hazy mix - just flashes of memories. I remember the love expressed by my entire new family, the worried look of helplessness in Edwards topaz eyes, and the grogginess of the morphine as it hit my system. I remember Edward kissing my shaking lips and moving toward my ear as he whispered my name, "Bella, Bella...how I love you, I'm so sorry my love, I love you, my sweet Bella," then moving his cool lips down toward my neck.

I felt his teeth as they sliced through my skin, a small tug, but his taste was still on my lips and his scent was clouding my mind. At first I wasn't scared, the feel of him moving against my neck, envenomating my system with _his_ immortality, it was sensual, heady – even welcome. I heard a small moan escape Edward as he tasted my blood, the call of its exquisite taste singing to him, causing him to hesitate for a fraction of a second. I felt his excitement and his hesitation, but was too mesmerized, seduced by his presence to protest. A small gasp escaped my lips as I lifted my chin higher, exposing my neck further allowing my beloved better access. My heart raced, though I knew I was in no real danger. I also knew that this would be the last time that my blood would sing for Edward, and I felt surprisingly saddened. Then somewhere behind us, Carlisle's smooth nonjudgmental cautioning voice softly uttered, "Edward...?" And Edward subtly froze, quickly pulling away from my throat. I saw his face. At first his eyes were desperate and hungry, then guilty and ashamed, and finally, as the pain began, worried and helpless. A million emotions crossed his face in the flash of a second. The burning pain coursed through my body. It was the cruelest pain I could ever imagine, and it came wave upon wave. The next few days are just a blur: the feel of loving hands stroking my face and my hair, the sounds of my screams, comforting whispers, pain - always pain, the faces of my new family as they came and comforted, and always the voice of Edward, strained with worry and concern. And then it was over. He was mine and I was his.


	4. Chapter 4 Renee

Chapter 4: Renee

The following few years were difficult. Very quickly, we all packed up our beautiful home, and said good bye to Washington. We moved around a bit for the first few years, but stayed together as a family. I adjusted to my new life, though the first few years were tough. The call of my wild blood lust was more intense that I had let myself believe it could be. I'm not sure what kind of a monster I would have become if my new family hadn't been so committed to keeping their promise not to allow me to do anything that would be difficult for me to live with.

In addition to the challenge of overcoming the amazingly delicious thirst that stalked me, I missed Charlie and Renee. I knew that I couldn't possibly risk seeing them. For the first two years, Edward and I came up with many excuses to avoid visiting them and to discourage their visits. We told them we were studying abroad, or that our school load was too heavy for a visit, whatever we could say to discourage personal contact. I did call and e-mail often, at first, but after a few years, it became more and more difficult to call, knowing that I would have to come up with some kind of plausible lie for why Edward and I had not visited. That lack of contact eventually took its toll in hurt and distrust. Contact with Renee and Charlie became more and more infrequent.

Charlie's funeral took a toll on my conscience. I couldn't imagine the hurt he must have felt from my absence. He didn't deserve it. He had done the best he knew how, and deserved a daughter that occupied some space in his life. I began to think about Renee: Flighty, perceptive, free-spirited Renee, who already had some suspicions that Edward and I shared a relationship that was somewhere between unconventional and otherworldly. I would not allow her to worry and pine away for me throughout the rest of her life. It seemed cruel.

It was Rosalie that gave me the idea. She had told me that after her change, she had visited her family on several occasions. Of course, they were completely unaware of her visits. Always, like a fly on the wall, she found discreet places to remain unobserved while she listened to her family mourn her passing, and remember her fondly. Eventually, their lives moved on, and she tired of the game, turning her attentions to the men that ravaged her, leaving death or immortality her only options.

Edward and I began visiting Florida on occasion. We moved around only at night, to avoid sparkling in the bright Florida sunshine. I did visit Renee, though she never knew I visited. I even sneaked into her home and listened to her and Phil as they bantered on about life in general. I went through her things while she wasn't home. Her paintings, her diary, her choice of books, all told me that she missed me, and my guilt doubled. I knew I couldn't visit Renee. I maybe could fool people that I had only known casually, but not my Mother. She was so perceptive. One look at me, and I knew she would run screaming into the night. I increased my calls and my e-mails, but I could feel such hurt in our correspondences that I finally came to a decision that would end my Mom's suffering.

A year after Charlie's funeral, Edward called Renee with the news. I had fallen down the stairs, you know how clumsy I could be, and hit my head. Edward came home and found me, too late. I didn't suffer, just lost consciousness and passed away very quickly. So a very heartbroken Renee had flown to Boston, where we were living, to attend the funeral of her only daughter. The funeral was staged, of course, not too difficult to pretend to be dead when your heart no longer beats and your skin's as cold as marble. The hardest part was during the viewing, when Renee actually took my hand in hers. It was all I could do, not to reach out to comfort her. I'll never forget her voice, "but she's so beautiful...so young...so cold." She and Phil didn't stay long after the funeral. There were still some unresolved bad feelings toward my husband and In-laws for taking me away and never 'allowing' me to visit, but Edward and Jasper did what he could to ease her suffering.

Edward and I continued to occasionally visit Renee secretly. After the six months, Renee seemed to be recovering her carefree happy nature. She and Phil seemed truly happy. Then, seven years after my funeral, during one of our secret visits, we learned that Renee had terminal cancer. She was in a nursing facility, and was very close to the end. One night while 'visiting' Renee in the nursing home, Edward and I overheard Phil telling the nurses that she was ready to go. She had lost her only daughter a few years back and was ready to be reunited with her. I was devastated.

When the nurses finally convinced Phil to go home and get some sleep, that they would call if anything happened, Edward and I sneaked into her room. I crept to my Mother's bedside and picked up her limp and lifeless hand. Her eyes slowly opened, then the realization that she had indeed died swept clearly across her face.

"Bella!", she said, "I knew you would be here. You're still so young, and even more incredibly beautiful. Oh, how I've missed you."

"Mom, I'm so sorry, please forgive me.", I agonized. Then Edward was at my side. Renee's face became confused, so I began my tale as quickly as I could, holding very little back. We told her about our lives, our immortality, all of our little secrets. She listened intently and silently, her eyes wide.

At last she spoke, "I knew there was something... Something different about the way you were with each other. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Then you were married so young and then you were gone from our lives. You could have told me, Bella. I would have kept your secret. It would have been easier for me to accept than these long years of missing you. All these years that you wouldn't see me, I didn't understand."

She turned her attention to Edward, "I would have loved to have known you and your family better, Edward. I'm sorry I misjudged you all. I can see that you love my Bella deeply. That's all a mother can really hope for. I know that you will take good care of her for me."

I would have sobbed, if I were able. I told my Mom how much I loved her, and confessed to all of my secret visits. She seemed pleased to hear that I had missed her as much as she missed me, and that I had seen her recent paintings. It made her happy to know that I knew how much Phil really loved her. She asked why I came now, and I explained, "I just didn't want to break your heart again, when you passed over and didn't find me there waiting."

She cried a little, as much as her weakened body would allow. I stroked her hair and told her that I loved her. I asked her to pass along my love to Charlie, when she saw him. She smiled at the thought of that conversation. We talked well into the night, and on into the early morning. She told me she loved me, and that she was proud of me. She thanked Edward for loving me and taking care of me. The years of hurt disappeared, as we spoke. Finally, exhausted, Renee slipped into sleep with a contented look on her pallid face. I could hear her pulse weaken, smell the inevitable end and my heart bitterly gladdened that we had these few hours together. I buried my face in Edward's perfect chest as he stroked my hair and kissed my cold smooth forehead. We stayed until we could hear Phil coming down the hall, then slipped out. Renee opened her eyes briefly, smiling contentedly at her husband, then passed peacefully away with her hand warmly secure in his loving hands.

I smiled as I remembered Renee, though, her face was beginning to fade and become a little foggy in my memory. I still had pictures in my mind of her, but most of them were of actual photographs that I still had in scrapbooks. The spontaneous memories of her laughing or her mannerisms were all but lost, but our history together was still mine. I could still recall her crazy antics, her shortcomings, her love of me, long talks and long walks we shared, memories of the heart... Those memories were still mine, and I cherished them.


	5. Chapter 5 Gifts and Volterra

Chapter 5: Gifts and Volterra

Suddenly, I was pulled out of my reverie by the sound of booming laughter. I heard Emmett and Edward laughing in the distance and realized that I was almost home. I quickened my pace, and found myself standing in a large meadow facing our beautiful home in Forks, which also held so many memories for me. Edward and Emmett were on the porch, heading toward the moving truck for another load to take into the house. My breath caught in my throat as I caught sight of my perfect and beautiful husband. He heard my gasp, and blurred to my side, "Bella? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, really," I said embarrassed. "I've been running through the forest, caught up in my memories, and well, let's just say I was so ready to feel your arms around me, when I stepped from the forest and there you were. As always, beautiful and perfect - enough to take anyone's breath away."

"The way you see me is Ludicrous," he chuckled. I'd heard that before.

Edward kissed me. I pretended to swoon, and he swept me up into his arms and moved his lips down my neck. I shivered. "Let's go in the house, I want to see our old room," I suggested.

"Not yet. It's not perfect yet. I want everything perfect for our first night back where my perfect life with you began."

"Edward...I could help...," I whined. I heard Emmett chuckle in the back ground and I threw him a look of mock anger.

"Bella, go play. Emmet and I have lots to do before he has to leave and drive to the airport and pick up the family. We'll have the place all to ourselves until morning."

I pretended to pout...reluctant to leave his perfect embrace.

"Seriously Bella, I want it to be perfect." His perfect sexy eyes bored into my soul. " Indulge me." He ran the back of his cold smooth hand down my face and my neck to my collarbone. I shivered in anticipation. "Go play. I'll meet you at our meadow at twilight. Then, we'll go for a hunt, and come home and spend some time together before the rest of the family comes home in the morning. I promise you won't be disappointed." Again, his chin dropped and he looked at me through those perfect sultry eyelashes, knowing how this look drove me to lose all resistance. I could deny him nothing.

"Fine. Maybe I'll go for a cliff-dive!", both of us knowing full well, that a visit to the cliffs was now out of the question. He chuckled, "Scope out the lay of the land, see if our 'baseball field' has been overgrown with trees. Then meet me. I'll be in your arms in our special meadow soon enough. Now, go play!" He kissed me again, tucked my hair behind my ear and grazed my ear with his lips, then turned me around and gave me a gentle shove in the direction of our meadow. I turned briefly, stuck my tongue out at both of them, than marched of into the trees.

"Bye-bye, Bells!", I heard Emmett snicker.

"Don't tease her," Edward chided in the distance, "Come on, let's get this done. I've got a hot date with my beautiful wife!" I smiled as I quickened my pace toward the baseball field.

The huge meadow had changed a lot through the years. It took me a few moments to even be sure I was in the same place. There was now a small grove of 15 to 20 foot trees encroaching on the meadow between where 2nd and 3rd base would have been. Still, it was familiar enough to bring back more flashes of memory.

Here was the first place I had seen vampires, other than Edward and his family. Not the altruistic 'vegetarian', cool topaz-eyed variety that I had come to love - came to be, but true hedonistic nomadic blood-lusting vampires. A chill ran up my spine, as I recalled my first sight of their blood-red eyes, and predatory stance. My knees buckled as I relived the fear I felt that night. I sat down on a log as I replayed long suppressed images in my mind. I saw flashes of Edward crouched and growling defensively before me, and felt his family move in to surround me. Then we were moving. In the Jeep, on the road, the trip to Phoenix, and finally, my confrontation with James. I rubbed absentmindedly at the crescent-shaped scar on my left hand. The scar that used to stand out sparkly and cold in the sunlight, next to my pale warm skin, was now truly unremarkable, except for the memories it evoked.

There were other memories here too, some happy, other's still unsettling. Memories of my Edward playing baseball with his family, laughing and teasing, and running fast enough to shimmer out of sight. And memories of 10 pairs of wolf eyes, shining in the dark. My breathing slowed and a smile pulled at the corner of my mouth as I remembered sitting curled up warm with a humongous red-brown wolf with Jacob Black's intense eyes, as we watched Jasper train friends and family for a war to protect my life. My fingers pulled absentmindedly through the wolf's soft but coarse long red-brown fur, as I listened to the contented resonant rumbling coming from deep within his chest. I remembered watching Alice dance quick as a blink out of Jasper's reach like a dangerous but charming little monster, coming to rest perched on Jasper's back with her teeth at his throat. Then laughing like a pixie as she jumped off his back, bowing to the impressed but wary 'ahhhh's' uttered by her audience. Flashes of those that I loved and those that loved me, filled me with reminiscences of a complicated past.

We had also had an encounter with the Volturi here, well, with their guard. It wasn't my first encounter with them...nor my last. If not for my particular talent, I truly believed that they eventually would have claimed either the services or the lives of at least a few of those that I love.

We first discovered the first of my 'talents' shortly after my rebirth. Edward would lapse into periods of self-loathing. Horrified and embarrassed that he had actually enjoyed the taste of my blood. He was horrified that he had taken some enjoyment from the very act that he regarded as the most selfish act imaginable - his perceived destruction of my soul. No matter how much I expressed that I knew he would have stopped without Carlisle's encouragement, and that I didn't begrudge him a moment's pleasure at my hands, Edward couldn't forgive himself. I remembered what real pain felt like - the ragged hole that had torn itself through my heart when Edward left me after my 18th birthday. I tried to remember how it had felt when Edward had healed me after Alice and I rushed to Italy to save him. As I pondered this healing, I felt a glow surge up through my being, and instinctually acted to pour out this warmth upon my grieving tortured Edward. Within a few moments, he began to heal - to come to terms with the emotional turmoil that he was struggling with. His pain began to subside.

Over time we began to understand the strange effect I was able to have on people. It was not entirely unlike Jasper's gift, since it did work to improve people's state of mind. However, unlike Jasper's gift, it wasn't a temporary change in mood or atmosphere, it was a healing or a quickening of people's emotional healing process. My gift did not act to remove painful experiences from people's memories, nor the wisdom gleaned from those experiences, it only speeded and aided the healing of the associated remorse or pain.

Strangely, I didn't use this gift to help me heal things between myself and Renee the last time I saw her. I wanted so badly to heal her wounds and make amends with no superhuman voodoo. I needed to make it better and to make amends by the most human means possible. Symbolically speaking, I needed to make up for my crime through hard labor, I needed to atone. The effort helped to ease my guilt after she was gone. I would always know that we had developed an understanding, and that she forgave me, and not because of my outpouring of my gift but because she loved me and had understood. However, it was through my gift that I had worked things through with Rosalie, allowing us to develop a truly loving sisterhood. My influence allowed her to let go of the pain she harbored at the loss of the possibilities her human life might have afforded her. Through the resolution of this particular pain, she and Emmett grew even closer and she finally understood how I had been willing to risk every thing to bind my heart to Edward's forever.

Carlisle once told me that he wasn't surprised by the development of my healing gift. He said he always knew that I would be a source of some sort of healing. He explained that he considered it a veritable miracle that Edward's heart finally found love. In the 80 years that Edward had been his son, he had never seen Edward's heart even express the minutest flicker of interest in another soul, until he met me. Oh, Edward knew how to love, he loved his family with fierce devotion, but his heart had been untouched by any thought of romance. Carlisle told me that he and Esme had always felt such helplessness over Edward's self-inflicted loneliness. Edward had endured his immortal existence without complaint, but plodded through his existence with little interest in life around him, he had become cynical and disenchanted. Carlisle said that it was my willingness to love Edward as a whole, overlooking fear, or self interest that finally broke through his shell, softening his heart, curing his loneliness, and allowing him to wholly love and be loved.

But healing hurt wasn't my only gift. I had been blessed with two talents, the other became apparent on our trip to Italy. In the third year after my change, Alice had a premonition. She could see that the Volturi, Aro in particular, was again musing over the Cullen family and the particularly numerous gifts that they possessed. She foresaw him seeking us out, under the guise of checking on my status. Oh, he was truly interested in my imagined abilities as well, but it was Alice and Edward that Aro coveted. It was only their friendship with Carlisle that had kept the Volturi from raiding our family and putting extreme pressure on our family, to extort us to enter their service. But many years had passed now since Carlisle had been a part of their inner circle. Now they just considered his lifestyle with repugnant curiosity, and his close-knit large family with envy. Malcontent was brewing in Italy, and Alice foresaw that it wouldn't be long before the Volturi launched a tracking party to find us, and take her and Edward to Italy.

Carlisle immediately called Edward and I and convened a family meeting. We were living in New England at the time, within running distance to Carlisle, Esme and the rest of the family - one of the few times we lived alone as a newlywed couple. We met and discussed strategy. Edward decided that the best course of action would be a good offense. He and I would fly to Italy and visit Volterra, give the Volturi no reason to seek us out. At once everyone was talking, and a decision was quickly made, against Edward's better judgement. We would all go together - a family vacation, present a united front.

We arrived in Volterra under cover of darkness. We made our way through the ancient stone paved streets to the nondescript looking office entrance, and entered. We passed through a small entry way to a set of elevators which rose automatically to the third floor. The moment we entered the spacious reception area we were greeted by yet another human receptionist, "Please sit, make yourselves comfortable," she offered. We settled in a small grouping of chairs and couches near the east side of the room.

I recalled all of the fear I had felt the last time I had stood in that room. My breathing quickened. Edward pulled me close, kissing my hair and caressing my back. I began to consider a story I heard long ago, a Quileute legend about a third wife, a human determined to give her life for the protection of those she loved. I began to wonder what I could do to protect this family that had become so dear to me, to protect my soul mate. A sudden shiver settled through me as I felt a sense of protection sweep out away from body and imagined it protecting my Edward, Alice...all of my family. I glanced up at Edward, his eyes narrowed.

"Something has changed, something's not ...right," he puzzled.

"Why? What's wrong," I asked with a tremor in my voice, suddenly very afraid of his answer.

"I was listening to Alice. She's trying to see how the Volturi will react to our visit, when I suddenly couldn't hear her anymore. I couldn't hear anyone." They've found a way to block our gifts, to protect their thoughts from me. If they can block Alice's gift's we'll be walking into this meeting blind, and I don't like having you that close to any potential danger. I think it's time we leave."

"Wait," I said, "Alice, what do you see?"

"They're trying to decide how best to 'encourage' Edward and I to stay. Aro doesn't feel that they can risk full-out aggression as it will damage their reputation as the rule-of-law. But Caius and Marcus just want our gifts at their disposal, regardless of the means used to get them. They are prepared to inflict pain on those that we love to extort our loyalty. They are trying to determine the best way to proceed, whether to simply ask us to stay, or to force us to stay against our wills. Edward, what is it?", Alice asked, reacting to the puzzling look on Edward's face.

"I don't know. I think we need to leave. We should rethink this. I was listening to your thoughts, then.. nothing. I couldn't hear anyone's thoughts for nearly a minute. But you were unaffected? I mean, nothing blocked _your_ sight?" Edward asked.

"A..., no", said Alice a little confused, "I'm fine. Too late, it's been decided..."

Just then the door in the far back corner of the room opened and Aro glided out, smiling, arms wide. "Welcome, Welcome, dear Carlisle! So good to see you again! I see that you've brought everyone. Welcome Edward, Alice, ...Bella! How beautiful you've become, and less fragile, I see. Welcome."

"Yes, good to see you, as well, Aro," responded Carlisle. "It's been far too long. This is my wife, Esme," Esme nodded, "and the rest of my family: Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper," they all nodded politely.

I looked across the faces of my family. Carlisle was smiling. His face was composed. Everyone else's face was polite, but not friendly. For them, there was no reason to pretend.

"Welcome, Welcome! I'm so pleased to meet you all! Carlisle, you truly have surpassed all of our expectations. What a lovely -and large- family! Please, please come, follow me, come, let's find a more comfortable space to get acquainted," Aro gushed as he gestured toward the thick wooden door near the back of the room.

Obediently, we filed toward the wooden door. Four couples, with all four men holding their loved ones protectively close. As we silently swept toward our destiny, I wondered at Edward's little lapse in perception. Had I been the cause? Had my desire to protect my husband projected some sort of a barrier...?

The room was large and open. In the far corner stood a line of finely upholstered Victorian chairs, one for each of us. As Aro closed the door behind us, he glided quickly before us, gesturing to the line of chairs, "Sit, sit, please make yourselves comfortable." I felt anything but comfortable. Aro took a seat in an ancient-looking large upholstered wooden carved arm chair opposite us. Several small groups of onlookers stood in the back of the room, casually observing our arrival.

"So, he asked, what brings you to Italy, Carlisle? Vacationing? I thought you'd long ago given up the ancient cities of Europe for the New World charm of America?", Aro goaded.

"True, I've certainly gotten accustomed to life in the States, but it's always good to revisit your history. I thought I would share some of mine with my family. Since we were in the neighborhood, we thought we would check in, as a matter of good faith, and present Bella, as the newest member of our family."

"Of course, of course!", sang Aro, "Bella, how good it is to see you. How are you finding your new immortality? Is it to your liking? I wonder, how are you adjusting to the.. .._Dietary_ constraints ...of your coven, may I ask?"

"It's good to see you, too," I answered trying to steady my voice, "I'm adjusting well to my new life, thank you for asking. My _family_ has been so good to me, and my transition was difficult but largely uneventful."

Aro's bold flowing laughter rang through the spacious room, as he considered my answer.

"So, you've committed to Carlisle's odd vision of morality and sustenance have you? You do understand there are other philosophies, other lifestyles for we immortals?" he asked.

"I do." I answered.

"And you all share this commitment to this lifestyle," he asked our entire group.

"As you well know," answered Edward cooly, as the rest of the family nodded politely in unison.

"Marvelous. Simply marvelous, though I must say, I would find it impossible to suppress my particular tastes. So, Bella, have you discovered any particular talents, or gifts?", Aro pressed.

"Only an increased desire to help heal emotional pain in others. I'm not sure it's a real gift or enhanced talent, perhaps it's just a strengthened personality trait"

"And your other particular talent? Has that survived the change?", though he posed the question to me, it was Edward's eyes that Aro looked to.

"Yes Aro, her thoughts are still a mystery to me," answered Edward stiffly but with a strained smile.

"I see, I see...," he mused, "Well, then I believe there is still hope that she will develop some marvelous talent in the future."

"So will Marcus and Caius be joining us today," asked Carlisle, hoping to change the subject and take the focus off of me.

"No, they had other ...agendas... to attend to.", Aro craftily answered.

"Please, convey my regards."

"Surely. Now, tell me Edward, Bella, Alice, have you given any further thought to my previous offer to join our little company?" Suddenly, there was movement from the far corner of the room, and Jane fluidly swept to Aro's side. I tensed, as I saw the grin on her lovely face.

Edward shot a swift glance at Alice and I saw something pass between them. Her hand tensed in Jasper's and I felt a chill build in my chest.

"Thank you for your kind offer," Edward uttered with little emotion, "however, at this time I would have to refuse your kind offer, once again. As you must know, it takes much effort to maintain our lifestyle, though we are all committed wholly to it. It is much more easily endured when we are all together, and, living apart from those committed to a more traditional diet."

"I would have to agree with Edward," Alice offered a little more gently, "though I am flattered by your kind offer, I again will have to regretfully decline."

All eyes were now on me, and I realized that Jane was smiling intently, trying to force a more accommodating answer from me. Again, I was grateful for the protection that my mind offered. "I'm afraid I would have very little to offer. I must join my husband and decline your generous offer."

"I'm afraid I've been a little too subtle in my invitations," Aro began with a new edge in his voice. "...truthfully, I was hoping to come to some sort of amicable arrangement, however..."

Just then, I felt Edward tense as he and Alice exchanged knowing looks again. My eyes darted to Jane as she began to smile, with her eyes on Esme. I felt Jasper trying to calm the room, but it wasn't happening fast enough. Not Esme, my mind shouted! I knew that if Esme were to crumple in pain, it would weaken the resolve of us all. This would end badly. My family, they would all fight to protect Esme, though they would soon be outnumbered. Someone I loved would be hurt here, and all I could think of was how I could I protect them. I felt that same foreign chill that I had felt in the Reception room earlier flush into my chest just as I heard Esme gasp. I heard Carlisle, moan, as if his very will to exist had been expelled. Emmett growled, as Rosalie reached out to hold him tighter. And Edward, I felt him tense, ready to spring at Jane. I let my mind instinctively react as I pushed my desire to protect my family out to surround my family. I imagined an unseeable barrier surrounding us all like a bubble, and suddenly Esme was at ease.

Then I saw fury in Jane's eyes as her smile failed. I looked to Esme, and realized that she had been released from the pain inflicted by Jane's cursed talent, though not by Jane's choice. A high wild wail, escaped Jane's throat, as she struggled to reestablish her connection with Esme. Then the realization hit me. It was me that had broken her connection. My family was safe, I had managed to project to each member of my family the same barrier that protected my mind from invasion.

"What's this?", Aro demanded, as his wild red eyes settled on me.

"I'm sorry," I offered, with my eyes not quite meeting his, "I just couldn't stand to see Esme in pain."

All eyes were on me, stunned. Edward looked terrified for me. His arm held me tighter and I felt his body tense, prepared to defend me.

"You've been holding out on me, dear," accused Aro with contrived patience.

"No, sir, this is a first. I didn't even know I could do this. I just cannot see my family hurt. They are my life." I looked into Edward's eyes as the harness melted, and found the same love and pride staring back at me.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha," Aro laughed too exuberantly, "Of course my dear Bella, I never meant to make you feel threatened, understand, just testing your resolve a little. Please, _do_ accept my apologies. Jane, you may be excused now, dear." Jane tried to calm her angry eyes as she hastily retreated out a small door opposite the one we entered through. Jasper's calming effect was beginning to wash through the room.

"Aro, we came in good faith, to show that our promise was fulfilled. I think we've concluded our business here. Thank you for your hospitality, and your interest in my family, but I think we will now be going." And with that Carlisle stood, and gently pulled Esme shakily to her feet.

"Now Carlisle, don't be hasty. I admit, I overstepped reason just a little, but surely you can forgive an old friend a silly lapse in judgement?" Aro asked.

"Certainly, _old friend_, however, we have family history to attend to, and really must be going. Again, send my regards to Marcus and Caius," then to us Carlisle said, "Come, let's be going."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw several large men step forward from their little conversation groups in the corner to intercept our departure, then Aro raised his hand, and they fell back into obscurity. "'Til next time then, Carlisle, be well."

Carlisle nodded without emotion, then lead us from the room. None of us spoke a word until we had passed through the reception room, had taken the elevator to street level and exited through the generic office door, though I could feel Edward's arm tightly binding me to him. As soon as we were clear from the building, everyone surrounded Esme with concern. "I'm fine. I'm fine. Truly! I felt pain only for an instant. Thank you, Bella." And at once all eyes were again on me.

At once Emmett snatched me out of Edward's arms and threw me in the air then caught me and passed me back into Edward's arms. "Little Bella! I knew someday you'd become a scary little monster!", and with that he laughed, we all laughed a little.

That night, back in our little rented villa on the beautiful Italian coast, we warily reflected on our day. How close we had come to losing everything. Edward wouldn't let me out of his sight, he barely let me out of his embrace, which of course suited me just fine. Alice spoke first, "They decided to let us be, for the time being. Aro is embarrassed that he let his greed overcome his civility. The won't risk all out war without cause, but they plan on keeping an eye on us. If any controversy finds us, what-so-ever, they will act to either recruit us, or destroy us, but for now the danger has passed."

"He can see the futility in coming against us," Edward spoke thoughtfully, "I saw it in his mind. He knows that Alice can warn us of any future danger, and that if close enough to act, I could read their intentions, and anticipate their attack. With Bella's new protection, we are all immune to Jane and Alec's particular talents so they cannot use fear or pain to subject us to intimidation. Marcus was standing outside the room. He was afraid that his presence would betray his thoughts to me. He was right, though, I could sense him even from the other room. His jealousy of the closeness and size of our family has clouded his mind, it was his wish to destroy and break up our family. I'm sorry Carlisle, I know this disappoints you. Even through the walls, he could sense the closeness of our family. He now knows that it isn't just me and Alice and Bella that protects our family. He sensed Emmet and Rosalie's fierceness, and how Carlisle and Esme's love and kindness has all cemented us as a true family, with common purpose. Only Jasper's gift, seems beyond their understanding, though it served to protect us today, too. I don't think this is the last we've seen of the Volturi, but I think they understand that direct war against us would damage their fragile rule more than our gifts would strengthen them. I think we are safe for now."

"I think so, too," chirped Alice. "Now, Bella, would you like to explain?"

"I don't know if I can. I didn't even know that I had it in me. While we were in the reception area, when we first arrived, I was remembering how frightened I was the last time I was here, and how much I wish I could protect all of you from that same fear. I felt a chill well up from inside me and spread out beyond myself to surround you all. It was then that Edward heard nothing but silence. I wasn't even sure it was me."

"Cool!" Rosalie spoke, "so that means you can project your closed-off little mind trick to us!"

"Just think how much easier it will be to keep secrets from Edward now," Alice pondered. "Christmas's, Birthdays, no more having to recite the Gettysburg address in Latin for hours at a time to keep Edward in the dark. We'll just enlist Bella's help and Edward won't be able to hear a thing. Think of it! Edward will go mad!" Everyone laughed.

"You think this is a gift for you?!", Edward chided, "Do you have any idea what it's like being inside your minds every minute? I can't wait for the peace and quiet to begin!"

"Do I get a say in any of this?", I teased.

Later than night Edward and me, slipped out for some alone time. We found a deserted piece of beach and sat on the sand in each other's arms watching the moonlight dance across the water. It was a beautiful night, and we were deeply in love and content to share each other's company. "Bella", Edward said seriously, "I was so frightened that I was going to lose you today. Aro was infuriated when he realized that you had a gift that he thought you had withheld. If not for Jasper, I'm not sure what would have happened. I don't how I could survive anything happening to you. I guess we both know I couldn't."

"I'm sorry I worried you. But we're safe. Let's just enjoy this beautiful night. Let's not waste any more time worrying about what might have been. I, for one, am enjoying the idea of a little balance. You and your family have protected me for so long - protected me from outside dangers, and from myself that first year or two. It's nice to return the favor. Now kiss me. It's not every day that I get to snuggle with my beautiful husband on a perfect moonlit night in Italy." And we commenced creating tender memories.


	6. Chapter 6 Jacob and the Meadow

Chapter 6: Jacob and the Meadow

I stood, wondering how much time had passed as I sat in this large meadow replaying scenes from our life together. I decided to head for Edward's meadow. I hoped I would still beat him there.

It was exhilarating to run through the forest. The trees flew past with shimmery speed, but my quicker mind was able to detect and enjoy each distinctive smell and animal sound as I blurred through the forest. In no time at all, I was there. I slowed my pace, heightening the anticipation of stepping into this magical place for me. I could hear the clear echo of water flowing in the distance, and smell the tall grass and the wild flowers. I paused at the brim of the little meadow, allowing the nostalgia to pour over and through me as I hungrily drank it all in.

This was the place where I first saw Edward throw rainbows in sunlight, where I first traced my fingers lightly along his perfect skin. It was where I first truly learned the full extent of the danger that I was in with Edward. Physically and emotionally. And the place where I instinctively knew that it didn't matter. I was his - for good or for bad. I was powerless to resist the pull that bound me to him. I closed my eyes and I could feel the first time he ran his lips down my neck, across my throat, laying his ear against my chest. And on another day, shortly before our wedding, when we nearly lost control, I recalled Edward's perfect smoldering voice as he spoke, "I love you. I want you. Right now." That was the day, and this was the place where he placed his mother's ring permanently on my finger, the ring that remained on my finger to this day. I shivered in the pleasure of my memories, as I stepped into our meadow.

Suddenly, I froze. My predatory sense had been triggered. There was a strange scent in the air, a scent unfamiliar to me. I sensed more than saw a huge form lunging at me through the trees. The huge blur of long reddish-brown fur was across the meadow in an instant. I instinctively crouched, a low growl issuing from my chest. As the monster closed, I sidestepped, turned, and pushed against it, sending it head first into a nearby tree. I then sprang to face my attacker, an involuntary growl still pulsing through my chest. The beast quickly turned, and shook its large head, crouched and ready to spring. It was then I saw the beast's familiar eyes.

"Knock it off, Jacob!", I yelled, "You startled me!"

The beast froze, then stumbled backward. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.

It felt like an eternity passed, as we both stood motionless, not knowing what to do, or how to proceed. I could feel the vulnerability creeping up into my throat, as the large wolf wavered. Slowly, the huge reddish-brown wolf retreated into the forest, his eyes never leaving my gaze until under the cover of the forest. I contemplated going after him, but renewed guilt washed through me, and I was unable to move. I looked down at the timeworn carved charm on my bracelet and felt a lump well up in my throat, as memories of my sunny Jacob Black flooded my mind.

"Bella? Is it really you?"

I looked up and there stood Jacob. He towered before me, his eyes still cautious and wary. He was wearing a pair of shorts, and a thin micro-fiber running shirt. He hadn't changed much. He was still relatively young looking, younger than 30, maybe. His long hair hung glossy and soft framing his beautiful face. He was larger than I remembered, more muscled, with thick muscles at his neck. His arms hung indecisively at his side, though his hands were tightly clenched.

"Hey Jake," I answered, allowing a cautious smile to touch my lips. "Did I hurt you?", I teased uncomfortably.

"As if _that_ were possible!", he nearly smiled.

I wanted to go to him and throw my arms around his warm waist. I wanted to hear his laughter, see his smile. But something inside of me shivered at the thought, a sixth sense, a warning of danger. My predatory instincts just wouldn't quite relax. I decided to ignore it, and took a tentative step toward's him.

"No, Bella. Stay there. I'm not quite sure I can control myself yet. It's been a while since I've smelled vampires in these woods, and well, no offense Bella, but you stink. Give me a minute to adjust." Jacob looked miserably at the ground. Again, we stood in awkward silence for a moment. Perhaps this was just too complicated, too much water under the bridge.

After a moment Jacob took a step backward, settling on a large boulder. My eyes never left his face. I slowly sat down on the sweet grass facing him about 15 feet away.

"So, you're back?", he asked.

"Well, maybe. We're back for the summer, all of us. The rest of the family plans to stay pretty incognito. Edward and I are hoping no one will recognize me, though if Edward is recognized, he will pretend to be the grandson of Edward and Bella Cullen. If the summer goes well, we may stay for a while. The rest of the family will be close by in a house we recently purchased on Lake Pleasant, but we'll spend a lot of time back and forth. Will our return make things... difficult? For you, I mean," I stammered.

"I don't know, there aren't many of us left that still phase, not that they couldn't, of course. Sam gave it up to grow old with Emily, so did Embry and a few of the others. Quil still patrols now and then, and Leah, Seth and Paul, but mostly it's just me. I'm sorry I tried to attack you earlier, especially on your side of the treaty line. It's just that your scent was unknown to me, it's been a long time since we've had to consider treaty lines." Jacob explained uncomfortably, "So, is Edward with you?"

"Yes. He and Emmett are unpacking and setting up the house. The rest of the family will fly in tonight to go and check out the Lake Pleasant home. They'll be here in the morning."

"You look beautiful, Bella. You haven't aged one bit, of course I knew it would be that way, but it's still incredible. So, ..., I don't know. I, ..I have so many things I want to ask!"

"Me too, in someways it feels like forever since I've seen you, but in other ways it's only been days. You've hardly changed at all, yourself. You look a little older, a little bigger, maybe a little wiser, still kind of beautiful, but still the same old Jacob. This is uncharted territory. Ask your questions, Jacob. I'll answer if I can. Then I have a few questions of my own. Deal?".

"Deal." He answered. "So, your...change. Was it painful? Was it all that you hoped for? Have you...,were you able to..., are you a , uh, '_vegetarian_'?" he hedged.

I laughed, "Just spit it out, Jake. Yes, the change _was_ painful, but the Cullen's took good care of me. Edward never left my side. The change was hard, it was several years before I really felt confidence in my ability to ...abstain... from our kinds' traditional diet. But I'm happy to say that I still have a perfect record. Edward, Alice, the rest of my family, would never have allowed me to do anything that I would later have regretted. Yes, it is still difficult, and will probably always be a temptation, but nothing I cannot handle."

"So, am I tempting fate, here?" he teasingly asked.

"Sorry Jake, but no, you actually stink, too," and we were both laughing. Not the kind of laugh I remembered, but an easy laugh. One that broke through some of the trepidation we felt and allowed me to see a small glimpse of _my_ Jacob's beautiful smile.

"So, have you developed any creepy new super-vamp skills? Say, reading minds or fortune telling?", he teased.

"Well, sort of. I have a healing ability and a kind of protection ability, which allows me to protect people's minds from invasion. You know how Edward could never read my thoughts? Well my protection allows me to project that same protection to whomever I please."

"Cool," Jacob replied, "I bet that ticks Edward off."

"Actually, I think he really enjoys the peace and quiet, now and then, though, after a while he does get a little jumpy."

" So, Quil and ??? was it Claire...?, Are they still..., did they.. Get married, or something?", I asked

Jacob chuckled, "Yeah, when she was 19. I guess that would have made him, like 33 or 34 or something, but he didn't look it. They've been married a long time now, more than 25 years I think. They have a few kids. They're happy."

"And you? Did you ever find someone..., you know, like Quil did?", I asked as delicately as possible.

"No, Bella. I never imprinted. I told you I never would. I did meet someone. I was married for a while, but it was difficult."

He seemed to want to say more, but couldn't quite continue. I felt a million emotions pass through me at once; happiness - that he had found love, even for a time; jealousy - though I had no right to feel it; and sadness - that his life had known difficulty and loss. And, as always - guilt - for knowing that his life could have been easier and happier, had I made a different choice many years ago. We were quiet again for a minute, lost in our thoughts.

"So, what about children, Jake? Did you and your wife have any children," I tried to ask casually?

"No. That was kind of the issue. Her name- my wife's name- was Caroline. We met in Portland about 10 years after you left. She was beautiful and kind, and she laughed easily. She was a welcome distraction for me with you gone. I guess I loved her. We were happy for a time. We laughed a lot. But, there were difficulties from the beginning. I wasn't going to allow my 'birthright' to mess things up. I'd had enough legends and monsters in my life, and was ready to base at least part of my life on normalcy. So, I never told her about my pack-life."

"We came back here to LaPush and bought a little home. I began working for the Tribal council, running youth programs with Sam. Our home was smaller than she deserved, but she never complained. She never understood my connection to my pack mates, nor all of the unspoken histories we shared, nor all of the times I left the house for hours to 'be alone' when I was running patrol. Over time, I think she became resentful that she never really felt a part of things here, and it didn't help that I could never really give her all of my heart. I'd given the best part of it away, long ago". He looked away from me, embarrassed.

"Oh, Jake...," I said, with remorse in my voice.

"No, Bella, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you feel bad," he paused for a moment, then continued, "Anyway, after about eight years, Caroline told me that she was ready to start a family. I couldn't even look her in the eyes. How could I possibly have children, and risk passing along the genetic burden that I had to bear? How could I possibly be responsible for bringing another person into this world that could possibly be a threat to you, Bella. I couldn't do it. I couldn't even talk about it. All I could say was, no. She tried to understand, but I could give her no reasons for the way I felt. Eventually, the wall I built between us was more than she could bear. After 11 years, she finally reluctantly left. It was for the best. I didn't even try to change her mind. I was no good for her. She deserved much better." Jacob looked at the ground and was quiet for a moment, the years of pain still apparent on his face.

"I've been alone ever since. I sold the house and sent every penny I made on it to Caroline, though I couldn't even bring myself to send a note with the check. I moved in with Billy, and after he died, I kept the house so that I had a place to stay when I came home. Since then, I've spent several periods when I just ran. I'd live as a wolf for a while, then I would tire and miss my pack so I'd return for a few years. I lived in Seattle for a while, but I missed the damp forest, and the ocean. I ran to Alaska and lived there for almost 10 years, but again, I missed my pack, so I came home."

"Were you here when Charlie died," I asked.

"Yes. I saw you then, twice. I'm sorry I didn't..., I just didn't know what to say. I could see that you had changed. I couldn't trust myself to be around you, to not hurt Edward. I still had a lot of anger in me then. We did try to find Charlie, you know, when he disappeared that night. We searched all of his favorite spots, but no one ever thought he would have gone out on the ocean alone. We didn't find him until the onshore breezes blew his scent inland that next morning. I'm truly sorry, Bella."

"I knew you would have tried. Did you see Charlie often, before he died?", I asked

"Naw, it was hard for him to be around me. He loved you, though, Bella. And, I think he was prepared for it when you left. He talked to Billy a lot. He was ok. You shouldn't feel bad. He knew you loved him."

"How long ago did you lose Billy," I asked.

"About 15 years ago, he died of complications from Diabetes. I still miss him. It was nice to have someone around that you didn't have to hide your secrets from, you know, other than the Pack," I remembered feeling that way, myself.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry. You don't know how many times I have thought about you throughout the years. How many times I have regretted the pain that I caused you. Can you ever forgive me?" My chest felt tight, if I could have cried, I would have sobbed. I waited tensely for his response.

"Bells . . . don't. What choice did you have? It was always a long shot. I knew it. There's nothing to forgive."

"Are you happy," He finally asked.

"Yes. We're happy. We've had challenges, like everyone else. But, we're happy."

We sat quietly again for a few moments. The sun had begun to sink below the trees. "Jacob," I hesitated, "Do you think I could..., um, hug you now? I mean, if it's too hard for you, I won't, I'll understand. I just..., I just really would like to hug you, Jake."

"Uh, just walk slow, Ok? It's been a while and I don't want to hurt you."

"As if _that_ were possible," I teased.

I stood, my heart in my throat, and slowly walked straight to him, my eyes never leaving his. I could see him flinch, this would be hard for him, the instinctual response to my vampire scent was pulling at him. I slowly reached up and wrapped my arms around his waist. I tried not to breathe as I laid my head against his warm chest, hearing the increase in his heart rate. I heard him gasp, and I froze, "Are you ok, Jake?" I asked.

"Yeah, I mean, you're just so cold now, Bella. I didn't expect that, but I guess I should have," he said awkwardly.

"I'm sorry, Jake. Sorry for everything," then without releasing my arms I reached out with my heart and surrounded him with my healing gift. I concentrated with all of my heart, though I knew it would change things between us forever. I felt his muscles relax, heard him breathe more easily, and finally, I felt his arms come up and close tightly around me. He reached down and kissed the top of my head, "You really do stink, Bells," he said, though he didn't release me from his embrace.

I looked up into his eyes, and saw my old Jacob - the Jake with mischief in his eyes, and a sunny disposition. After a minute he released me, and took a few steps back and smiled - really smiled. My breath caught in my throat. He chuckled. He reached down and grabbed my hand and held it in his, stroking the ancient tiny little wolf charm on my bracelet. "Good Bye, Bella," he said as he raised my cold, smooth hand and pressed it to his warm soft smiling lips.

"Be happy, Jacob," I smiled.

"I'm not sure I like the way your holding my wife's hand," said Edward from behind me, with mock anger in his voice.

"We were just...catching up," Jacob said with a smile, never taking his eyes off me as he gently released my hand.

I took a step backward and Edward was at my side, his arm gently around my waist. "It's good to see you, Jacob. Was I interrupting anything?"

"No," we both answered then laughed.

"Welcome home, leech," Jacob said looking into Edward's eyes with a grin, "I'll see you around."

"Not if I see you first, mongrel," and with that we all chuckled. Jacob Black smiled his sunny smile, nodded his head, and turned and walked into the forest.


	7. Chapter 7 Epilogue

Epilogue

It was twilight. And Edward and I were alone in our private little meadow.

I looked into Edward's eyes, "Were you really upset to find me here with Jacob," I asked.

"No, my love," Edward said as pushed my hair out of my eyes, "I was proud of you. I arrived just in time to see you wrap your perfect little arms around him. I knew immediately what you were doing. I may not have always liked Jacob Black, but I've never felt good that he had to experience so much pain at the expense of our happiness. I will always be in his debt for keeping you safe so many times when I couldn't - when I wasn't there. You healed him, Bella. I felt the cloud of regret and loss lift in his mind. He felt hopeful. I think the same wolf mechanism that kept him from aging, probably kept him from moving on through all these years. I think he'll be fine now"

"I'll tell you, though, I didn't like the way he looked when he kissed your hair," Edward's eyes narrowed playfully, "and if he ever tells my wife that she stinks, again... I'll _will_ break his jaw!"

With that, Edward took me into his arms and kissed me soundly. "I think you smell absolutely delicious," he teased. I felt his perfect body wrap around mine, as he moved down to kiss my neck. His lips found the scar at my neck, and I felt an excited chill run through me, as he paid special attention to it. My knees buckled, and I heard Edward chuckle as he whispered in my ear, "Breathe, Bella."

"Don't tease me, you know what _that_ does to me," I playfully slapped at his chest, while my other hand came up to touch the scar that branded me his. "Come on, let's go hunt up some _dinner_ on the way home. I'm anxious to be in our old room again." My dark golden eyes narrowed as I felt a playful smile creep across my face.

Edward chuckled, and smiled his perfect crooked grin as he grabbed me up and in one motion swung me onto his back and took off into the forest toward home.


End file.
